Treatment of graves: making them permanent with marble, what to recite etc.

Question:
My grandfather passed away recently and we were faced with the question of his grave. My grandmother insisted on making the grave "pakki" with cement and marble even though we were all against it. What should the grave be like? Absolutely "kachi" without any support which with time gets washed or eroded or, is a slight support with bricks allowed?

Secondly, what should one recite while visiting the grave apart from Surah Fatiha and Surah Ikhlas (3 times)? I read somewhere that it's not allowed to recite the Quran next to a grave. What is the best way of performing fatiha? Can women visit the graves of their family members provided that they dont cry and only recite fatiha. Is it ok to shower the grave with flowers? or grow flowers on the grave?

Response:
Although it is recommended that the graves should be kachchi, it is not a binding instruction for everyone to follow. The teachings of Islam do not interfere in such matters except insofar as an ideal way of doing things has been presented, and people have been asked to be as simple in their lives as possible..

Women can visit the graves of the deceased relatives and friends. They are however asked not do anything that is not expected of a decent person. They are expected not to wail loudly nor do anything similar. There is absolutely no basis of reciting of surah Fatihah or surah Ikhlaas. These are all innovations introduced by the later people. Taking flowers to the graves is no problem, but there is no religious basis to do so. However, because such things are not religious in nature, they are not categorized as bid'ah.

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