Dealing with Perversity
I was four when I was first molested by a male servant in the house. The incident was never repeated in our house but I still remember it to this date. When I was eight, this happened again by a different servant. After that, when I hit puberty, I started to find members of same sex more attractive than females.
Through out my adult life, I have had strong urges to have a physical relationship with the same sex and have been having dreams about it as well (I am not sexually active). It has become very disturbing for me now. I am a 27 year old Muslim male and do understand the consequences of homosexuality in Islam. I do want to lead a normal life and have a normal family. Please tell me a dua or help me. I am extremely depressed about this issue.
I appreciate the way you have frankly mentioned your problem. By doing so, you have helped me in learning about at least one reason why a person can become a pervert for no fault of his (or her). I can fully understand your predicament. I have been theorizing for sometime that the reason why there are so many perverts in the West in the form of Gays and Lesbians is that there is something wrong with the way children are brought up there.
However, even if it be because of a reason that is beyond your control, if you have an unethical inner inclination that is condemned in the Almighty’s Shari’ah, it is still unacceptable. All that you can say is that the trial for you to stay away from it would become more difficult.
We all have our areas of weakness against which we have to keenly guard ourselves. The fact that a certain person has a stronger inclination towards consuming intoxicating drinks because of the way he was brought up in his early childhood doesn’t make those drinks permissible for him.
It would certainly make the trial of staying away from them more difficult for him. The Almighty would, out of His mercy, give more credit to such a person for staying away from it.
There is no standard prayer for ensuring that we stay away from doing evil. The following are some of the measures that can help you in staying away from evil: regular prayers in the masjid of your colony, reading of the Quran with meanings, staying in the company of good people, and staying away from the company of bad people. When a wrong act gets committed because you were overcome by the impulse of an immediate situation, repent to the Almighty as soon as you realize it. Don’t ever allow the idea that you are incorrigible. Keep struggling against evil.
I find the following prayers effective in expressing one’s helplessness before the Almighty in situations like the one you’ve mentioned:
“Our Rabb, Do not cause our hearts to deviate now after you have guided us. Grant us Your own mercy; You are the Grantor of bounties without measure.” (3:8)
“(My Lord) I have been overcome; please come to my rescue.” (54:10)
“Our Lord! we have wronged our own souls: if you don’t forgive us and bestow upon us your mercy we shall certainly be lost.” (7:23)
“O Allah make me amongst those who repent often and those who endeavour to remain clean.” (Hadith)