Interaction between Men & Women; the right way to put forth a proposal. What does Islam say about creativity and talents?

Question:
Dear Sir
I have a few questions

1) Dealing with Men: Is casual talk with men allowed? As long as nothing indecent is being discussed is it ok to share a laugh with men? Is it ok to make male friends? This would include sharing their problems and also sharing your own. Without any cheesiness and cheapness is it ok to do so? Or do you think it is not possible to remain within decent limits of Islam once you make him a friend. Is working or studying in a male dominated environment allowed where only professional dealing and interaction takes place? Is working for job that requires a lot of social interaction with clients e.g. lunches and dinners wrong for women?

2) In the international corporate scenario, shaking hands is a norm and when Muslims are hired they also feel obliged to abide by this norm. Such hand shake is solely on business terms and most of the times it is so mechanical that is does not even feel wrong. However, what should a Muslim woman do in such a case? Simply refuse to shake hands, try to limit it to the minimum, take some time to explain to her colleagues why she feels she can do her work well even without the hand shake. If you have the chance of representing your country in the outer world with your good work and progress should you limit yourself because the job involves the handshake norm? Would an entire nation not stagnate due to such hesitations? If a foreigner guest or tourist unconsciously extends his hand for handshake when you are least expecting it, you would out of courtesy yet hesitantly reciprocate. Later on you could explain to him why he shouldn't repeat so. Is it better not to reciprocate and let the foreigner feel humiliated and embarrassed but save your palm from hellfire?

3)The concept of having long engagement periods before marriage: does this fall under the allowance in Islam of being able to know the person well before you marry him/her? Or is this too much of interaction? If it depends on the kind of interaction then what is the advised way of communication and meeting between two people who are considering marriage between them. Are, talking on the phone for some hours or communicating online/through email better modes than meeting in person? (Assuming that you would talk
on the same topics that you would on the phone/chat and would also refrain from physical contact during the meeting) Is it probable for two people planning to get married to not behave sweetly and softly with each other?
Then would the order, which forbids females to soften their voice when they talk to strange men, be applicable here too? Does this mean you should not keep a long engagement? Is it ok to assume that as soon as you're sure you want to marry the person, you should not delay or else discontinue contact until you get married?
What is the best manner to communicate a proposal? (Male to female proposal and vice versa) In the Pakistani context reaching through parents is considered the decent norm but is that the only decent manner? Can one use any intermediary? Is proposing directly allowed?

4)Talent: We often admire the talent of singing, art, dancing, craft making, sports etc. Does Islam appreciate talent? Are such talents recognized under the light of Quran or Sunnah? Should we appreciate such talents? Should a good voice be refrained from singing? If singing is not being done with the intention of attracting the audience towards the singer and if the effect of the lyrics and music is also not negative, is it ok for the person to sing in public? Is playback singing ok as it does not involve personal exhibition? Is learning singing just for one's own satisfaction (as a hobby)
ok if he/she does not plan to use it commercially? Same goes for drawing…some people have the talent to draw well. As long as they're not drawing obscene figures or those that would in anyway negate the teachings of Islam, is it ok to draw? Is it not a way of appreciating God's gift of nature, by trying to capture that scene of nature (say a tree) in a painting. By all means, the painter is not making a live tree so he is assumed not to consider himself anything near a god. Is painting prohibited because it arouses pride? But we also are proud of raising our children? If creating something was bad, then it would be bad to bring up well mannered children, you actually as parents paint the brains of your children and design their personalities. Are talents a lesser sin for males than they are for females? For example a man singing is not as bad as a female singing?
Thank you for your patience with my long mail. I look forward to your guidance.

Response:
Assalamo Alaikum
Let me answer these questions one by one. While I do them, let me warn you that these are personal opinions of mine based on my honest understanding on the issue.

1) Let me start by mentioning what to me are technically the differences a lady has to observe while interacting with a Mahram male and a non-Mahram male. The Mahram male are the people a woman cannot get married to. She can be alone with them and travel with them. If she has beautified herself, she can disclose her adornment to them without being obscene. With non-Mahrem men, a woman can get married. She cannot be alone with them, especially in a journey where they have to spend night together. When she has embellished herself, she cannot disclose any part of her beautified self except for what is naturally apparent, which includes (the possibility of showing) hands, feet, and face. Whether she is in the company of Mahrem men or non-Mahrem men, a lady has always got to cover her chest properly with an extra piece of cloth and both men and women have to keep their gazes and thought processes clean (husband being an exception to this rule).
The idea behind all these etiquette of interaction is to not allow any possibility of sex-related thoughts and feelings crossing the minds and hearts of the two interacting genders and to prevent the possibility of fornication.
What has been mentioned above are the real Shari’ah rules. What you have asked me to comment on are the problems of application of these rules wherein there could always be more than one opinion. While forming opinions, one has to be careful in neither being careless about the rules and objectives of the Shari’ah nor to be too inflexible to make the normal life difficult to lead. The rules of the Shari’ah are mentioned in surah al-Nur (24:30-31). The Almighty’s concern that the normal life of Muslims should not be disrupted because of these rules is also mentioned in the same surah (24: 58-61).
Other than what I have mentioned above, you and I are equals in deciding about what should be done in our contemporary times to apply these rules in our practical life. Some people are likely to apply the rules more stringently while others are going to be more concerned about maintaining a viable balance between practicability and the concerns of Shari’ah. Nobody should be unnecessarily critical about the other person’s opinion when no clear rule is being violated.
If one would want to be careful and practical at the same time, I guess, one would exchange important information with a member of the other gender, at times be of help to him/her as well, share a joke or two within limits of decency, but would constantly remain on guard about his/her feelings to ensure that they remain within limits of decency. I have a feeling that remaining completely segregated is sometimes an easier option, but in many cases is not viable one. And in my opinion it is not even highly recommended by our religion. However, to remain in touch with members of the opposite gender and to continue be on guard is a big challenge and one must try constantly to ensure that it is achieved.

2)I think not shaking hands is a better option. However, it is not always possible. Shaking hands in the manner you have suggested is most certainly not something completely prohibited, but it is not desirable either. One should do as best as one can to avoid it. However, if one is caught in a situation where it becomes unavoidable, it should be done as ‘harmlessly’ as possible.

3)I believe that if you are interested in a person, you should go for a marriage proposal as quick as possible. So long as you are not married, your interaction should be confined within the limits of the shari’ah, which means you can’t stay alone and stick around and talk for long hours. There is apparently no harm in communicating on telephone or through e-mails and chatting on internet, especially with a view to knowing more your spouse-to-be. But staying together and going for meals alone should most certainly be avoided.
There is no standard way of proposing. The norms of the society should generally speaking be respected. However, either of the two individuals can initially propose the possibility of the idea to the other person through any of the available modes of communication available. A direct communication of the idea in a one-to-one meeting is less desirable in our society. I can’t call it completely prohibited, but it should be avoided as best as possible. Once it is understood that one of the two individuals is interested in getting married to the other, communicating which is a much better idea than to just romance around, both should hasten to get things done formally. Of course, by hastening I am not suggesting that the idea should be destroyed through doing it in a hurried way. All that I am proposing is that after serious interest has been proposed by one person to the other in getting married, close direct contact between the two should be avoided as much as is possible. The sanctity of nikah requires that unless the two individuals are formally married, they shouldn’t meet each other alone.

4)My answer to this question is contained in the following Qur’anic passage: “Ask: who has prohibited the beauties of Allah (zeenat’Allah) and the pure food . Tell them such things have been created especially for His servants in this worldly life; and they are going to be available for them exclusively on the Day of Judgment (and afterwards). We likewise clarify our verses for those who want to learn. Tell them: My Lord has only prohibited obscenity, whether it is manifest or hidden, the act of depriving others of their rights, the tendency of unjustified transgressing against others, that you ascribe partners to God for which he has revealed no evidence, and that you say on behalf of God what you don’t know.” (7:32-33)
I believe the talents you have referred to in your questions are in the category of beauties of this life. Music, good food, good voice, good looks (if not obscene), good scenery etc are all blessings of this life which God has created for us to benefit and enjoy from. These are God-given abilities. Unless we enjoy them, we will not be able to thank God properly for what He has given us.

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