Youthful indescretion

Question:
I needed your help regarding a mistake a couple of my friends have made. They started going out some time ago and had full intentions of marrying each other. During the period they were sure that they will marry, they indulged in some thing very physical. This was not planed, in fact they had decided that they would wait till they get married before they get physical with each other, to whatever extent that might be.

To their knowledge they have not committed zina, they were very close, but they are not sure. Secondly due to some issues they (the guy) are not sure if they would get married.

They now want to know what exactly is classified as zina, what are the repercussions of their actions, if they have indulged in some thing not equal to, but close to zina, how can they not make it worse for themselves, i.e. what does Islam order in such a situation, what are the compulsions and punishments they are facing.

Response:
I think there are several things that need to be mentioned in this case.

i) The boy shouldn't have told any one about what had happened. Not even you. He should have tried to find out what the correct way of getting out of it was. However, that having been done, he should now keep it to himself, as indeed the lady too should keep the matter to herself. The spreading of this information is as dirty as the original act itself, because it leads to further poisoning of the atmosphere.

ii) I am not interested in knowing what where the details of what happened in that unfortunate incident. Whether the actual act happened or not is irrelevant. In both cases it has been very unfortunate. The fact that a certain thing was done or not would not make it any lighter or graver. The question of details becomes only relevant when the punishment of the crime is to be administered. In the eyes of the Almighty the harm had already been done when the two came together alone in a situation that they could do whatever they wanted to.

iii) There is only one thing that the two should do now: repent. The Qur'an says: "(The real servants of the beneficent God are those) who do not invoke any other god besides Allah, nor kill any soul which Allah has made sacred, except for a just cause, nor commit fornication - he that does this shall be punished for his sin, and his punishment shall be doubled on the Day of Resurrection and in disgrace he shall abide forever, except the one who repents, becomes a true believer, and starts doing good deeds, for then Allah will change his evil deeds into good, and Allah is Most Forgiving, Most Merciful. He that repents and does good deeds, has truly turned to Allah with good turning." (25: 67-71)

What does repentance mean in this case? To me, it would involve the following:

i) Both should express a sincere sense of regret before the Almighty on what has happened.

ii) Both should make a firm resolve that, as far as is possible, they would make efforts that an act like that would never be committed again.

iii) The two should stay away from coming into contact with each other except in a manner that is formal, decent, and devoid of all traces of frankness and friendship. In my opinion, their repentance would not be complete unless they admit that they got into the unfortunate embarrassment only because they violated the norms of the Almighty's message. They ignored the fact that when a non-Mahrem male and female come into contact willingly alone in an environment of frankness, the damage has already been done. When a driver resorts to over-speeding while driving, he is already a criminal in the eyes of law, whether he meets with an accident or not.

iv) Both should also try as best as they can to convince their friends not to be unnecessarily friendly with members of the opposite sex.

I think once the two (or any one of them) start hating the idea of friendship between boys and girls outside the marital bonds, they will have repented truly, because it would indicate that they have been able to realize the real mistake they committed. It makes no difference whatsoever whether the two are serious in getting married with each other in the future or not. So long as they are not married, they have no business whatsoever to be in the frank company of each other alone. It is the path that leads to zina that needs to be blocked. If that hasn't been done, nobody can stop Satan from trapping more and more people into the act of it. It is important that they truly realize this fact. May Allah Almighty enable them to repent truly. Allah Hafiz.

Views: 1508