Romance outside of marriage

Question:
My question concerns the concept of love marriages in Islam. Teenagers in Islamic societies today are in greater contact with members of the opposite sex than their predecessors. This may inevitably lead to developing romantic feelings for a friend. On the one hand, we often hear it is un-Islamic to get extra friendly with a non-mehram. However, if you are interacting with the opposite sex on a regular basis and talking to people all the time, it gets very difficult to hold back romantic feelings for a person. The more you get to know a particular person and like the way he/she thinks, the more you wish he/she could become a permanent part of your life and you start thinking in terms of marriage. Isn't it only human to be unable to control your feelings? What then is the Islamic viewpoint on this concept? Does Islam allow falling in love before marriage?

Response:
Please do have a look at the answer I have given to another, similar question. I am sure that what you have mentioned regarding the experiences of Muslim youth of the present times is correct. But I believe that Islam has nothing to do with it. Islamic teachings would only come to play a role when an individual is interested in taking it seriously.

If an individual thinks that now that he/she has fallen in love with another person because of a regular contact with him/her, Islamic teachings should come to his/her rescue, that to me is an unfair demand on those teachings. I do understand that there is a possibility that a boy or a girl realises at some stage of his/her romance that what is happening is wrong. In that case the individual should do as best as is possible to stay away from direct communication with the person who is the cause of those feelings, because in such matters, the more one gets indulged directly, the further one damages one's religious feelings. The best way is to approach elders from both sides and get the association formalised. (Do have look at my answer to the question on engagement).

In a nutshell what I am saying is that if you have fallen in love with another person accidentally, don't do anything deliberate to further strengthen your feelings towards the other person. What happens naturally is not within your means, but do not allow it to 'worsen'. If you feel that the formalising of the relationship is out of question, then do whatever you can legitimately, within your means to get rid of those feelings. Recite the Qur'an regularly, remember Allah more frequently, get more actively involved in positive activities to stay away from the Satanic influence that comes to you through those feelings.

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